Rep. Phil Gingrey (R) is a member of the House Energy Committee. As such, it behooves him to look for solutions to the ongoing BP oil spill disaster. (Especially since the Republican Party is practically in cahoots with BP.)
So he’s been putting on his thinking cap. And he’s come up with a dynamite idea. Literally.
“For the life of me, I can’t understand why BP couldn’t go into the ocean floor, maybe 10 feet lateral to the — around the periphery — drill a few holes and put a little ammonium nitrate, some dynamite, in those holes and detonate that dynamite and seal that leak. And seal it permanently.
“And although I didn’t ask him that question yesterday — I think I had three minutes — if we get another bite at that apple, I’m going to ask that question, over and over again. What is going on here?”
Tell you what, Phil Gingrey, remember Rep. Dan Burton (R) of Indiana, the former Chairman of the House Government Oversight Committee? He was also really into the whole thinking cap thing. And he had the entirely sensible notion that ideas should be tested first, preferably in the place where charity begins, right at home.
He fired a bullet into a “head-like object”—reportedly a melon—in his backyard to test the theory that former White House counsel Vincent Foster was murdered.
So, in the spirit of Dan Burton, I strongly recommend, Rep. Gingrey, that you perform a hands-on test of your inspired idea.
Here’s what you might do, for example:
• Identify the pipe that discharges from your house to the sewer.
• Dig down, and expose the pipe, and take a good whack at it with a sharp axe.
• Repeat as necessary, till you have achieved a satisfactory rate of spewage.
• Drill a few holes maybe 10 feet lateral to the pipe, and put some dynamite in those holes.
• Detonate that dynamite.
If you achieve a permanent seal, tear off all your clothes and run through the neighborhood, shouting “Eureka!”
If not, at least you will have learned a valuable lesson, even if you smell like shit.